How many Christians does it take to change a lightbulb???
Catholic Nuns: The entire convent. The Reverend Mother to compose a homily for the occasion of the lightbulb changing while the rest of the nuns raffle off the old one.
Anglicans: Five. One to screw in the new bulb and four to found an organization for the preservation of the old bulb.
Calvinists: None. God will change the bulb when it's predestined to be changed.
Church of Christ: Where is the scriptural authority for a lightbulb?
United Church of Christ: How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the lightbulb has chosen an alternative light style?
Southern Baptists: One to change the bulb, and 16 million to boycott the maker of the old bulb for bringing darkness into the church.
United Methodists: This statement was issued: "We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a lightbulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that a lightbulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your lightbulb (or light source, or nondark resource), and present it next month at out annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of lightbulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted--all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence."
Assembly of God: Just one--he already has his hands in the air.
Taken from The Unauthorized Guide to Choosing a Church by Carmen Renee Berry (Grand Rapids: Baker, 2003).
Charismatic: Only 1 - Hands are already in the air.
Pentecostal: 10 - One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None - Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholic: None - Candles only. (Of guaranteed origin of course.)
Baptists: At least 15 - One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.
Episcopalians: 3 - One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
Mormons: 5 - One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it. Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Methodists: Undetermined - Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.
Nazarene: 6 - One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
Lutherans: None - Lutherans don't believe in change.
Amish: What’s a light bulb?
Catholic Nuns: The entire convent. The Reverend Mother to compose a homily for the occasion of the lightbulb changing while the rest of the nuns raffle off the old one.
Anglicans: Five. One to screw in the new bulb and four to found an organization for the preservation of the old bulb.
Calvinists: None. God will change the bulb when it's predestined to be changed.
Church of Christ: Where is the scriptural authority for a lightbulb?
United Church of Christ: How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the lightbulb has chosen an alternative light style?
Southern Baptists: One to change the bulb, and 16 million to boycott the maker of the old bulb for bringing darkness into the church.
United Methodists: This statement was issued: "We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a lightbulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that a lightbulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your lightbulb (or light source, or nondark resource), and present it next month at out annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of lightbulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted--all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence."
Assembly of God: Just one--he already has his hands in the air.
Taken from The Unauthorized Guide to Choosing a Church by Carmen Renee Berry (Grand Rapids: Baker, 2003).
Charismatic: Only 1 - Hands are already in the air.
Pentecostal: 10 - One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None - Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholic: None - Candles only. (Of guaranteed origin of course.)
Baptists: At least 15 - One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.
Episcopalians: 3 - One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
Mormons: 5 - One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it. Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Methodists: Undetermined - Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.
Nazarene: 6 - One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
Lutherans: None - Lutherans don't believe in change.
Amish: What’s a light bulb?
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